When I saw this quote I had quite the chuckle. Minute Silence INDEED. While I definitely think that I possess a tiny bit of crazy, it’s mostly the good kind with a lot of the complicated mixed in to top off the cocktail I am. Renovating an old estate, building and growing a business while raising a daughter leaves little time for self-examination but frequently being called “complicated”, I jump at opportunities to read about relationships and THE complicated woman (Take a drink of that cocktail honey; we’ve become our own species). I’ve realized all too often the word crazy and complicated get intertwined and it’s given the complicated girls among us a bad rap and really, what’s wrong with going after you want? NOTHING.
Complicated girls often are bursting with creativity, minds constantly whirling from ideas, daily revelations, ever growing lists, ready to take on the world around them, very seldomly stopping. Emotional at times they take charge, are overly honest with their opinions and can be overwhelming to handle, always craving more. Sound like you?
Sometimes complicated can be intertwined with isolation. The ones we have our sights set on feel like they are of little importance in our lives from trying to keep up. They struggle to find their place to fit and ultimately it becomes hard for them to even feel connected. While I am no relationship expert (then why are you writing this blog post, blah blah blah, go suck it) I have found that hindsight is 20/20 and wanted to share 4 ways to continue on your own path while finding ways to make your partner (or prospective partner) feel like they are on it with you (at least some of the time). If only it were as easy as Following the Yellow Brick Road and red sparkly shoes.
- Intimacy. What a word. So many meanings to so many different people. Often intimacy and passion are combined into one singular aspect of a relationship. Robert Sternberg’s “Triangular Theory of Love” is based on three separate components of love. Intimacy (the feeling of closeness or connection to a person), Passion (connects passion and desire) & Commitment. Like most complicated women, I am full of passion however I like space; I like MY space. I like my independence and my side of the bed. I also like men, occasionally enough that I want them to stick around. SOMETIMES this means in order for that to happen, you have to allow yourself to be not only passionate but intimate as well. You may have to suck it up and be the little spoon, realize there isn’t “his” side or “my” side, but push aside the desire to catch up on sleep and allow yourself to be wrapped up in the one you love. Even if it’s as simple as holding hands in the car, make an effort to stop making the art of touch a lost art.
- Set your Alarm Clock. Seriously, set your alarm clock. Complicated women tend to be women of routine and lack sleep, just to keep all of the balls they are juggling in the air. Try varying your routine a little, get out of bed early to sit and talk with him as he gets ready preparing to head out for his day. If you leave at the same time, throw something together and surprise him with a breakfast (aka coffee in my case) in bed where you can make time to talk about what he has planned for the day. Who cares if you have morning breath, no make up and your hair looks like you’ve been living lost-world style. He’s seen it all, before you even wake up for the day and yet he still wakes up to you every morning. If you hate getting up in the morning (Hello Night Owls!) he will realize the sacrifice you are making just to get in a few minutes with him every so often, and if you’re lucky you’ll be rewarded with a little morning oooh la la (and who doesn’t like morning oooh la la).
- Creativity. I’m not talking glue sticks and glitter (unless you have the time for that of course then by all means, make me a few goodies too!!). I’m talking simple ways to remind your Charming Guy that you love him. Slap on some red lipstick, kiss the back of your latest date receipt and leave him a little love note where you know he will look when he gets home (like tapped to the bottle of his favorite beer or liquor he pops the top on when he first gets home). Sometimes it’s just the simple things like letting him in on the fact that even in the middle of your crazy and hectic day you thought of him and wanted to make sure he knows it.
- Find comfort in silence. Have you ever watched your fella sleep at night? Sometimes I want to take a picture. The bow of his lips, the 5 o’clock shadows still whispering across his chin, the sounds he makes? The pounding of his heart when you lay in his arms? Even in the silence of his sleep you’re comforted by the one who chose you. There is comfort in silence, the silent acknowledgment that you don’t have to entertain one another, you can just be. Take time to enjoy this silence with him. Experiment with your silence and speak through your eyes. Make sure that comfortable silence can go from night to day. A simple touch, holding hands in the car, just being together in the same room for some time with no words. There is a lot to be said for a couple who can be comfortable together in silence, no filler because the presence of one another fills each other.
And while yes, my Mr. Charming might need a minute silent for ending up with my crazy ass, his life will be filled with many memorable experiences that remind him exactly what he loves about my crazy ass. Are you a Complicated Borrowed Charm Babe? Read and share with your Mr. Charming, Lauren Skirvin’s article “8 Reasons Why You Should Marry the Complicated Girl.” You will likely love it as much as we did!